When anger is the default
Why be perpetually pissed off?
By Jim LaJoie
We seem to be angrier as a country these days, infected with a venomous (seemingly large) group of fellow citizens who apparently are perpetually angry. These are people who spew rage in equal measure to breathing. They are difficult for me to understand. Who wants to go through life filled with fury, raving with resentment, blind with belligerence?
Many seem to. In fact, they seem to relish it. They wear their rage proudly, a thorny suit made up of hatred and open contempt for others.
Anger is a human emotion and an understandable one in certain situations. Although slow to anger, I confess to getting angry at times, however few and far between those times are. The group I find inscrutable are those who appear to be angry all day, every day, eternally pissed off, apparently self-satisfied in their rancor.
For most, getting angry is typically situational: something or someone makes you angry, you get angry, you quickly get over it. For others, though, anger seems relational, an ongoing arrangement between them and the world. Anger for these people is intrinsic. It is who they are, no matter what is happening around them, what blessings have come their way, or the company they keep. It impacts everything they do and every word they speak. They are eternally angry, perceived by others as aggrieved and hostile and proud to wear that persona comfortably. Their anger is a badge of honor to them. I don’t understand why anyone would want to live this way. I don’t understand these people at all. I am sure they don’t give a fig that I don’t understand them. That is who they are.
Some want to be perceived as perpetually angry but aren’t really. For those in this camp, anger is something they don for the occasion, in much the same way they choose what clothes to wear each morning.
For instance, many politicians and political pundits these days are, I believe, angry in a performative way. Being perpetually aggrieved creates fundraising opportunities, votes, clicks, viewers and lucrative career opportunities. Some may actually believe what they are saying (the most loathsome of the bunch), but I bet most don’t, at least to the degree they claim to. They are laughing all the way to the bank, with a wink and nod, no ethical qualms about their venality.
Those who fall into this category are detestable, cynical and cater to the lowest common denominator in people. I personally harbor great disdain for them, but on an intellectual level get why they do it. Of course, on an intellectual level I could also see why someone, lacking financial resources, would rob a bank. Would I defend robbing a bank? No, certainly not if you don’t want to wind up in a tiny prison cell for many decades. The act goes against my moral code, but I could understand the motivating reasons.
Pre-teens and teenagers are often angry, their anger usually directed at parents. This group is held hostage by hormones run amok. Adolescents are angry for reasons even they don’t understand. They get a pass. (I admit that it is easy for me to write “they get a pass” when there are no teenagers living in my house).
For some of the perpetually angry, life has dealt them a bad hand. They may have been victims of childhood trauma, experienced the death of a loved one or had a debilitating illness. Experiences like these can lead to one of two paths: they make you stronger and you grow from them, forged from what it took to endure, or, you become bitter over the unfairness of the difficulties you faced. I would argue the more positive path is the better one to take but understand those who may not be capable of that.
The group I don’t understand at all, however, are those who seemingly have at least a decent life, a life unworthy of being filled with venom spilling out of every pore. They may have their health, people who care for them (even if out of a sense of duty), are employed, have a roof over their heads, food on the table. Instead of seeing whatever blessings they have in their lives, and being grateful for them, this group focuses on what they don’t have and blames others for it. These people always find a reason to be angry. They direct their anger most often at those who are unlike them, don’t think like them, don’t look like them, as if being different is a moral failing, There is an overt sense of superiority, wildly misplaced, emanating from them, as they reek of the stench of hubris.
According to Psychology Today, “Research suggests that the tendency to become angry is associated with high neuroticism and low agreeableness .. a few habits and attitudes may be linked to anger. These include:
• Entitlement (believing that one’s rights and privileges are superior to those of other people)
• Focusing on things out of personal control (such as a partner’s behavior)
• External regulation of emotions (trying to regulate emotions by controlling one’s environment)
• External locus of control (believing well-being is controlled by sources outside of oneself)
• Refusal to see other perspectives (viewing different perspectives as threats)
• Low tolerance for discomfort
• Low tolerance for ambiguity
• Hyperfocus on blame
• A fragile ego”
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/anger)
That list aligns with how I see the perpetually angry: entitled, firmly convinced their perspective is the only one, blaming everything and everyone around them for imaginary perceived slights, and, as I strongly suspect, having very fragile egos. None of this is to excuse them, however. They are miserable people.
If you have the misfortunate of spending any amount of time around these people, run and take cover if you can. These people will make the most optimistic, upbeat person a hardened cynic. I choose to live my life differently, spending my days as positively as I can, rarely getting angry, and avoiding those who are perpetually pissed off. They aren’t worth the energy required to interact with them.
About the author: The older Jim LaJoie gets, the less he claims to understand.
Jim, this was perfect for after election angst. It is so true, most of Trump’s followers are full of anger, over what we don’t know. Our country is the best in the world ! It is easy to fall into negativity when things don’t go our way, but that just pulls us down further. I especially liked your Psychology Today references. I have not watched a news channel since the election and I am perfectly happy. Of course I do see things on the internet but I dont beed a constant feed of Trump. That is what he wants!