Rude Awakenings

A young man's naivete becomes hard reality

By Jim LaJoie, co-publisher, contributor

Jim LaJoie

As a younger man, a boy really, I had the naive notion that life would align itself on the right side of the ledger. That those who did the right thing would benefit, those who didn’t would not. That life was fair. That the universe was in harmony with equity.

As a boy, I enjoyed reading superhero comic books - which is what we called them before the current term graphic novels came into use. The stories always concluded with the superhero conquering some villain. From an early age, good overcoming evil appealed to me. I was a kid who wanted to see the end result landing on the side of good.

To the young naive, perhaps foolish, me, I thought life would align with my ideals.

I was wrong. Life would show me that. I was in for a rude awakening. Or, more accurately, I was in for a series of rude awakenings as my life progressed.

When you are young you can’t wait to become an adult. when you finally do become adult, you realize it comes with a lot of headaches and responsibilities. It also brings a clearer view of reality. Age gives you a perspective the young lack, but it also brings the acknowledgement that life is less than ideal.

Life isn’t always fair. I realized that soon enough. It still irritates me even now, although I accept the fact life is what it is.

Evil sometimes -often? - triumphs over good. There is injustice in the world with justice often ignored, at times ridiculed. A good person can have bad things happen to them. That innocent field mouse may be eaten by the soaring hawk overhead. The mouse did nothing wrong.

I was rudely awakened to this disparity between what I assumed as a younger man and what the world was really like. As surprising, and disappointing, as it was, it didn’t harden me. It did, however, convince me to double down on what I thought was the right thing to do in a given moment. Life might be unjust, but I could attempt to be true to my perhaps silly notions.

Shortly after the start of my professional career, I realized that, despite what I had been told, working hard, diligently showing up every day and quietly going about your day, wasn’t always the way to get ahead. Those better at self-aggrandizement often were promoted. That sometimes so do those less competent. Fortunately, I did fine for myself, but witnessed others who did not, but should have.

I was also in for a rude awakening in thinking that all employers care about staff. Many don’t, despite what they may pay lip service to.

Romantically, I found that a person you may be attracted to may not share those feelings. I also learned that love alone won’t help a marriage endure.

The natural cycle of life is not a steadfast rule. Younger people can die well before their time.

I learned that not everyone will like you, that not all friendships will last. That some who appear to be friends are not.

In my younger days, I assumed that by the time I reached a certain age, perhaps 30, I would know exactly who I was and where I wanted to go. Thirty came and went. As did a number of other years. The magical moment where I knew exactly who I was and where I wanted to go never did come. I made it to my current destination following the tides of life wherever they took me. I survived it well enough, but without navigating a clear plan, more a general outline. There are days I still wonder where I am going (and 30 is way, way back in the rearview mirror).

I remember taking my youth for granted, assuming I would be young forever, or at least for a very long time. I was wrong. Time passes quickly, the decades rolling by like a fast train on the tracks of life. You don’t have all the time in the world to do or see the things you want. So carpe diem: seize the day.

Now, in another stage of life, I am in for yet another rude awakening: my health will not always be good (although, thankfully, it is currently), my back not as strong, my eyesight not as sharp. I am in the autumn of my life.

Knowing that life isn’t always what I hoped it would be has not made me bitter. It has made me more realistic, but not embittered. Begrudgingly I accept that bad things happen to good people, that evil can conquer good, that life does what life does.

What I have now realized is that all the good things in life can be appreciated more because we know there is an opposite, a yin and yang. Life couldn’t be appreciated as much if we were all immortal. Justice wouldn’t be as sweet if we didn’t acknowledge that it doesn’t always triumph. The love we have been given by others is more valued because it is isolated to a small few.

Accepting this has made me more appreciative of life. Life has its good moments and its bad. Appreciating the former, while enduring the latter as best we can, is how to live life true to your ideals while accepting reality.

The older me sees that. The younger me could not.

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