Broken resolutions: Personal change is difficult
The folly of New Year's resolutions
By Jim LaJoie
This is the time of year when many spend a few moments to develop a laundry list of resolutions for the new year. It is common knowledge that the majority of those who make these resolutions never complete them, or at least entirely and endurably. They are made to give the creator the illusion, however temporary, that they are building a better them in the coming year. New Year’s resolutions are a momentary salve for the soul, a glass of champagne for the psyche.
But they are typically destined to be broken, because at the root there was never a true commitment to the work that is required of personal change.
I don’t write this with self-righteous indignation. If I did, I would be hypocritical. I have created these lists many times over the years and have failed in achieving their goals. What I have discovered, after many years of negative experience, is that these vows of self-improvement inevitably fail because the creator (myself included) hasn’t truly found the necessary desire, the deeply rooted burning motivation, needed for personal transformation. Creating a list idly, maybe after too much holiday celebrating, is not the ideal environment for self-actualization.
For me personally, and I’m guessing for most people, change takes hold only after I have completely accepted the need and embraced it. Accepting the need to change is rarely done blithely. It has become a cliche, usually associated with substance abusers, that you need to “hit rock bottom” to want to change. That certainly would motivate many. I personally haven’t had to crater to that extent in order to make changes in my life, but there were times that if “rock bottom” were a well, I was able to peer over the wall and see the floor. I needed a damn good reason to want to make the change, to endure the daily struggle to commit to, and execute, what was needed to alter my life trajectory.
Personal development is hard, very hard. It requires a deep reservoir of emotional strength, an introspection most lack, and a commitment to be better than who we are today.
To change oneself is not for the weak, which is why so few New Year’s resolutions are kept.
We as a species don’t want to look that closely at our flaws, knowing that change requires sacrifice, hard work, and an ordeal if done correctly. Need to alter your diet for medical reasons? Try to make those changes after decades of eating habits have become completely ingrained in your daily life; it will not be easy. Need to get more exercise? Try resisting the urge to sit on the couch and watch tv rather than going for a long walk, run or bike ride. It will not be easy. Need to change your emotional state? Even with professional help, that could take months, if not years, and be a constant, daily battle. Even if/when we recognize the need for change, truly desire it, the process is difficult.
I have found that lasting personal change and development often comes incrementally, when small, easily achievable goals are met, sustained and eventually lead to a larger transformation. Throw enough stones on top of each other and you wind up with a pile. Same goes for personal development. For instance, if someone were trying to give up smoking – a habit, fortunately, that I never took up – stopping cold turkey would be extremely difficult and unlikely unsustainable. However, if that person were to cut down gradually, over time going from, let’s say, two packs a day to one, then one to half, then down to total abstinence, that seems much more achievable and lasting. It would also require a deep, sustainable commitment that is often not there.
New Year’s resolutions generally are good for sweeping idealistic, likely unrealistic declarations. What they typically aren’t are carefully thought out plans backed by true commitment. They are hoped for personal transformations with little thought as to how to get there. which is why they are most often broken and not achieved.
I am a big believer in striving throughout your life in self-improvement and personal development. I have failed more often than succeeded. When I have failed, it was because I wasn’t truly committed to doing the work.
I am not advocating to not make resolutions that lead to positive personal change for anyone inclined to do so for this coming year. What I am advocating, though, is to take the time first to admit to yourselves that these resolutions will likely require real work. If you find yourselves not committed to doing that work for any resolution, then reduce the list to an achievable few. Instead of creating a list of personal development goals that are quickly forgotten, commit yourself to one or two that are truly important to you. You may find that once you have accomplished a few, a few more are easier to tackle. Then, like those small stones that have become a pile, you will be a new, improved, version of yourself. Then, come to the realization that personal development should be a lifelong pursuit, a road with a destination that is never quite reached.
About the author: Jim LaJoie is grateful those who care for him, despite his flaws.