Being a "second father" can be greatly rewarding
Having a positive influence on someone is profoundly satisfying
By Jim LaJoie
My wife and I do not have kids of our own. That is not the result of a desire to be childless, more one dictated by life’s circumstances (I will refrain from making any JD Vance comments).
We both love kids, however. This could have resulted in having huge, gaping holes in our hearts and a lifetime of haunting emotional yearnings. We have been fortunate, though, to have two young women - two extraordinary women - in our lives who more than capably fill that space in our hearts longing for a parent/child connection.
Having these two young women in our lives is a gift, one we were unable to give ourselves. My wife and I love both and appreciate that they feel deep affection for us in return. We may not be their biological parents, but take great satisfaction in being their “second” parents. They make our lives whole.
One of these women became connected through family, the other by way of being a colleague (someone who gives me far more credit for mentoring her than I deserve). They are alike in many ways, very different in many others. What they do have in common are biological fathers who adore them, and are daughters who adore their fathers. And they both see me as their “second” father, which does not leave me feeling lesser in any way. In fact, considering their actual fathers, it is an honor that they perceive me even remotely in a similar role.
These are two young adults anyone would be proud of: genuinely good and kind, with many varied interests, a love of travel, an eagerness to learn new things and always quick to make a new friend. Fortunately, they both have committed, stable, hardworking, good men who appreciate who they are, as romantic partners.
I am blessed to have them be part of my life and it has helped me come to a profound realization: I want to be the man they think I am. I want to fulfill the positive image they have of me. I want to be a good man, or at least the best I can be, for them. They inspire me, which leaves me with a deep feeling of gratitude. They may not be biologically mine, but I am grateful for their being in my life on a daily basis.
As more years pile up behind than there are in front of me, I wonder what meaning my life has had more often than I care to admit. In those moments, I think of my two “daughters.” When I am gone, hopefully many, many years from now, if they remember me fondly, if they say I helped positively influence them in some small way, I will have lived a good, meaningful, life.
About the author: Jim LaJoie was born and raised in Massachusetts, relocating to North Carolina more than a decade ago. He is at the point in his life where he doesn’t recognize the guy in the mirror.
#gettingolderNotOld #daughters #fathers #mentors #men
That was beautiful Jim!