A prison of my own making
Perspective is everything
By Jim LaJoie
I typically wake up well. That’s not to say I jump out of bed in the morning eagerly ready to tackle the day’s responsibilities, there is a more gradual ramp-up to that. I rarely wake up, though, in what could only be described as an irritable mood. One recent morning, however, for no clear reason, that is exactly how I woke up. Apparently, on that day I just arbitrarily made the decision shortly after waking that this wasn’t going to be my day.
Every single action after that seemed confirmation that the universe had decreed this day would not be a good one for me. I went to put cream in my coffee cup and a bit more than I typically use splashed out. This isn’t going to be my day, I thought. I picked up the iPad, looked at scores on ESPN and saw one of the teams I followed lost. This isn’t going to be my day. I couldn’t get comfortable on the couch. This isn’t going to be my day. When it came time to take out the dogs, they became excited, as they did every morning, anticipating the morning walk. That morning though, I had it in my mind that they seemed to fidget more than usual making it difficult to get their collars on. This isn’t going to be my day. I went to work, and the entire day seemed filled to the brim with perceived transgressions directed my way, fulfilling my morning prophecy of this isn’t going to be my day. I had willed it into being, made my own reality. I had made myself miserable. I had created a prison of negative emotions.
Truthfully, looking back, all the things that caused me annoyance that day were common – if unwelcome - occurrences, that usually I took in stride. On that day, however, they all seemed to be part of some cosmic malevolent intent to ruin that 24-hour period for me.
The workday eventually, mercifully, concluded and I drove home, reliving each of the day’s torments. My 30-minute commute is generally a time to decompress before having dinner with my wife. That day, though, I chose to spend those 30 minutes making myself even more miserable by playing back in my mind all the annoyances I had endured that day. By the time I got home, I had worked myself into a self-induced agitated state. I changed out of my work clothes and sat down for dinner. My wife tried valiantly to talk to me, but my one-word grunts quickly told her it might be best to ignore the grump sitting across the table. After cleaning up I told her I was going for a walk. She understandably did not volunteer to come with me, knowing well enough to give me a wide berth.
A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
I could feel the day’s warmth as soon as I stepped out the door, a pleasant warmth, like a hug from a beloved. It was early evening and still around 70 degrees. Spring officially was just a few days away and hints of it were everywhere: tufts of green sprouting up on lawns, birds filling the night air with song and sharp shoots of tulips and daffodils breaking through the soil. Along the way I saw my fellow residents puttering around their yards, walking dogs or idly chatting with neighbors. Nearly everyone I passed smiled cordially or gave me an enthusiastic hello. Between the warmth of the sun and my neighbors’ interactions, I could feel the walls of irascibility that I had built between me and the world that day slowly melting away layer by layer.
I walked for about 30 minutes that night. I admitted to myself, somewhat reluctantly at first, then fully embracing, what a beautiful night it was.
On my return home, I realized that not a single event that day would go down on any list of worst things I experienced. Hell, they wouldn’t have made the list of top 1000 worst things. They were all minor annoyances, nothing more. It was me that had tried to ruin my day, not the universe or Karma or fate or anything else. It was something far more ordinary – me – that caused my misery.
By the time I reached my house I realized how foolish I had been. I had much to be grateful for, which should have been my focus, not inconsequential incidents amounting to nothing. It all came down to a matter of perspective. Nothing happened that day to make my life less filled with blessings. What did happen was me losing perspective and allowing inconsequential events to ruin my day. It took that after-dinner walk to remind me of that. As it turned out, that walk salvaged my day.
Our experiences are framed by our perspectives. We can view small annoyances as just that and move on with our day or view them as dark omens of what is to come. I typically live with the former frame of mind. On that day I did not. I promised myself I would going forward.
About the author
About the author: Jim LaJoie was born and raised in Massachusetts but fled the harsh winters by fleeing to North Carolina. He has lived more decades than he cares to admit.
Good one Jim!
One of my favorite lines is from the movie "Contact," where one person says "It's a 'dog-eat-dog' world, and the sooner you realize it, the better off you'll be." The response, which is one of my all time favorites, is "I was taught the world is what we make it." What do you want your world to be?